Standing in the Way of the Light
by bruninhagalle
Summary: Patterson gives Jane a very much needed wake up call. "So when are you going to file for divorce?". Set somewhere during the next episode (3x12).


**A/N:** This is set somewhere during the next episode (3x12). Can someone take this angst away? My heart can't take it.

* * *

 **Standing in the Way of the Light**

" _Through the driving rain  
_ _I have lost the words  
_ _To piece us back together  
_ _To tell you how it hurts  
_ _'Cause lately we've been breaking  
_ _All we've built so far."_

* * *

"So when are you going to file for divorce?"

Patterson's unexpected voice almost made her drop the mug of coffee she was holding. She turned around, finding her friend casually leaning against the door frame of the FBI's kitchen. She had a serious expression on her face, so not Patterson that Jane immediately knew she was in trouble. Or was about to be.

"What?"

"You and Weller. When are you going to file for divorce?" - She calmly repeated her words while studying Jane with a penetrating gaze.

Jane opened her mouth to reply but her friend's question left her literally speechless. Divorce? In all her anger, she was blind to everything except how she couldn't trust him anymore. But could her _divorce_ him? The simple thought of the word hurt her more than she ever expected. Maybe more than his betrayal.

"Don't get me wrong, Jane. I know you have all the right to be angry. I know he made a mistake when he lied to you and it was about something very important. But Weller isn't perfect, you know? And who can really say they never lied about something important?"

Jane's mind flashed to all the lies she'd told him in the short time they've known each other.

 _Oscar._

 _Emma Shaw._

 _Clem._

Very _important_ lies.

Patterson watched as a deep sadness overtook Jane's entire expression.

"You are going through a lot and I'm sorry for dropping this on you but you don't seem to notice what _he_ is going through too. And that worries me because you are the most selfless person I've ever met."

Jane couldn't bear remembering all the things she'd said and done to Kurt in the last days, not now, not when Patterson's question and its implications were swirling inside her head.

"All I'm asking is that even if you can't forgive him, you do this one last selfless thing for him: set him free, Jane. Let him go. You two deserve better than keep hurting each other for the rest of your lives."

Jane's eyes slowly filled with tears. For the first time, she was confronted with the idea that sooner rather than later she would have to face the status of their relationship and make a decision about it. And only imagining the end of everything between them in a definitive way made her feel suffocated.

"I'm sorry, Jane." - Patterson entered the room and wrapped her in tight a hug. It took Jane a minute to reciprocate but the moment she did, Patterson felt her walls crumbling down along with her tears, her whole body shaking. - "Do you… do you still love him?"

" _Yes_."

There was no hesitation in her answer. She knew far too few things in this life but of that, she had not a single shadow of doubt.

Patterson almost sighed in relief. Maybe there was still hope. She let go of Jane and took a step back, her hands grappling her friend's arms.

"You are also one of the smartest person I know. I'm sure you will figure it out in the best possible way, Jane. If you need a friend to talk about this or anything else, you know where to find me."

Patterson gave her a small smile and squeezed her arms.

"Thank you, Patterson."

The blonde nodded and left, going back to her lab.

Jane tried to envision her life without him, without his voice and his eyes and his arms. Without his love and his wonderful heart. And just as she was sure about her feelings for him, she was sure about this: she couldn't do this without him. _She just couldn't_.

And it was time to let him know.

* * *

" _There's still a way to make it right  
We'll find the strength this time."_

 _Standing in the way of the light - Birdy_


End file.
